Wednesday, May 21, 2008

This post isnt about sloppy journalism, although it could have been!
Instead, this post is about five of the UNRULIES representing at the MADE in LAGOS party held recently.
Here's LOLA in a JBL, CHRIS in a CLOTHSENSE original, and LAMIDE, LOLA and TOSYN mixing and matching.







Saturday, May 17, 2008

CRACKERS CLUB: WHO KILLED WANDE COAL?

Laugh Out Loud...
Then start again!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Once Upon a time...

"This bloody trip BETTER be worth it"....That was the thought going through my head as i struggled with my bags while going up the stairs of O'Jeez. Lord knows i had to answer 1 million questions from my Dad about this trip. I was sooo happy to be away for the weekend but wasnt sure if the trip would be worth it, little did i know......It was going to be more than worth it.
Lets start with how i met each unruly.....

The Unruliest one- We go waaaay back, as in over 10 years ago.....we met in sunday school, became friends and he started toasting me lol! He toasted me till i left the country and toasted when i came back......I guess all the toasting paid off lol!

Miss Delta- We met on a very popular naija website. some years back...we never really talked....she was quite popular on the site and used to put up a lot of pictures.....i thought she was vain or was really in love with her image.......fast forward to 2005/6 and i saw her on tv.....i gave her a call, invited her to an event i was hosting/co-ordinating.....we became friendlier....until we met again on the way to Ada. She's the one i would go to reminisce about school days....sorority stuff

Miss Singer/song writer/writer/- I always thought her locs were quite interesting looking. She knew lots of people...we knew OF each other but didnt KNOW each other that (really wasnt bovvered!) lol! Till the unruliest started to work with her, i got to know her a bit better......till we met again in Ada.....she totally opened up.....i never thought this one could even stomach a shot....she surprised me sha....and her love for Mo Hits......Out of this world...She's the one i would go to for professional advice...

Miss Prim & proper- Complete with the accent and all. She always accompanied Ms Delta to my events....Thought she was cool......quite serious.....so i didnt open my mouth to yarn anyhow with her cos i didnt know her that well...........till we met again on the way to ADA.....found that she was able to let loose.....cracked jokes.....and was ready to dance all night to any Mo Hits Song..She's the one i would most likely get into trouble or mischief with.

Dear Dolly- I came across this character at the nominees party, He was sitting next to me....or somewhere near me sha.......His Friend (Mr Lucky Housemate) was sitting near me as well and they kept gossiping in Ibo. It was quite amusing though.....didnt really get to know him until we boarded that bus.....he was totally uninhibited....cracked jokes,sang, danced, slept and even took horrible pictures of me sleeping! He kept saying "Dear Dolly....." I didnt get it at first..but when i did, i couldnt stop saying it, This lil fella is a sharp dresser, loves attention and really isnt bovvered if u dont like or understand him. He's the one i would most likely call to accompany me to an event...he's fun.

Mr Lucky housemate- really didnt meet him until the nominees party either......He called me by name and asked me a couple of questions.....i was pleasantly surprised cos i was like yay! he knows my name and we havent even been introduced yay! Im popular...lol! Silly i know...
He was quite jovial, laughed a lot and always had this air of "Im responsible" around him....you know....the kind of air prefects had in secondary school....I knew he was smart too cos i used to read his column all the time......I ran into him at the awards ceremony and we kept making faces and "claiming" the award.....(we were nominated in the same category).....I won ha ha!......This dude shocked me by loosening up and dancing with reckless abandon on the bus............when we got to ADA.....things started to get really interesting especially at the truth or dare table. He's the one whose column i dont miss....though i rarely talk to him about his columns

Uncle- Now the funny thing is i didnt even know who he was when i sat next to him in the bus. I just started to ask him questions and he would graciously answer....he was so mature....i was just happy to have someone who would listen to all my chit chat .....im sure the guy was tired of me talking at some point but he didnt show it and i didnt care.....i was really in the talking mood that day.....later at ADA....he opened up after the first bottle of Remy or was it Henessey(?) arrived......one minute he's prim, proper, intelligent....the next minute....he'll flip on you and yell "Areaaaaaaa". Uncle is the one i think i could turn to for advice..He's the wise one


I believe these people came into my life for a reason ....they are really supportive and im really grateful for that. I know we will be in each others lives for years and years to come....

Monday, May 12, 2008

Beaurriful Ada!

Beaurriful Ada brought eight peeps together who probably missed their high school days and decided to enact it in the remote location of Ada. maybe it was the 96 hour bus ride, or the 2am village runthroughs, or the fact that the P was just too mush, 8 capable, beautiful, hardworking, loving, talented, funny, intelligent, creative peeps formed a bond.

In order of appearance:

It was the last day of camp or something like that i can't really remember. My camp peeps were all heading to "the island" which really was my first indication that if you live on the mainland you're on a "long tin". anyhoo, so my friend was like a friend of hers lives in ikeja maybe she can give me a ride. So I walk and Aunty was standing there like she was pissed as F and just generally ready to get the hell out, and who the hell was this walking towards her anyway? So I just knew we'd get along lol! and we have, from fushures, to barcelos dinners to....

Sweet Gal. I was with Aunty and she was like there's this Media Chick thingie and i don't really want to go by myself wanna come? so me being the ants in her pants type was like sure! even though i'm nowhere near media chick-ish lol. So we get there and everyone was just chatting and laughing and having a good time. Sweet Gal kinda took it upon herself to be the coordinator and was just too super nice to everyone. Even though i wasn't part of the celebrity clique, Sweet Gal sent me a text for the next meeting making me feel special (lol...) and we just started talking from there. And then together with Aunty started coordinating meeting times for events like the fushures.....

Jolly Giant came in late into the Rubbing Minds room. I hadn't watched his stardomness bloom so I had absolutely no impressions lol. Everyone in the room were strangers! except for Aunty (who is featuring a lot isn't she?). He came in with a group of peeps (one of whom was later christened "The Jerk" by me ...) and was cool, and said some surprisingly intelligent things...i guess can't really remember but i'm sure he didn't sound stupid sha...later when mingling Aunty was like he's kinda cute, and tall, and smells nice...LOL (Aunty don't kill me o!) and i was like yeah. and the rest is history (after them both playing stush and omoboy/girl)! And then Ada came about and Jolly Giant turned out to be nice and unassuming, which is a good thing for his stardomness.

I'm sure I met Energizer at some fushures function. What a burst of energy was my first impression!!! So cool. She can't come into a room and not go through it (on most days). Wild, eccentric, unapologetic, bubble of fun.....yay!!!! We never really talked though, just hi and bye. Then Ada and she was late and I think she defended a certain annoying media guy but then she kinda ditched them and joined the unruly side officially! And then we shared some girl talk in Ada and all was well! She's one unruly I truly miss when she's not around!

Dennis (as in Menace)....there's no word to describe oh! Only Dennis would sit down on the carpet, take off his shoes, and unbutton his shirt, all in the lobby of a posh golf resort! Dennis also wanted to turn the SMVAs into the SOURCE Awards, a la no violence! I liked when Dennis came along to an event cuz it just turned out the stuffiness element. In fact, I think he's a big unruly part of the Unrulies. Now what are the chances Dennis will actually read this blog?!?!?! not very high, not very high at all....lol! He's out being Dennis the Sura.

who next? uhm ok. Nominee parry for fushures at WAKA Bar, this is where our paths crossed Becks (as in Beckham, as in every woman's desire....gerrit? i'm so witty!). Although I had gotten a facebook add and the person saying he was a fellow Nominee and all that which i thought was really nice but I don't think I added him cuz i don't know him! Come to think of it now, he prolly just wanted to size everyone up to wonder how in the world the fushures team could EVEN nominate other peeps with him. I mean, really.......And then at the event proper I said hello and then asked Sweet Gal to tell him to move his head cuz he was blocking the KOKO and i couldn't take a pic(my my how far we've come...anyway). And then my house parry when he took me to a certain place and of course, after that he was my DAWG! lol.....ok, but really Becks is such a wonderful friend outside all the......"unruliness", loyal, dependable, helpful, etc. We all want to be like Becks when we grow up.

Last but not least we have Kiwi!!!!!!!!!! Kiwi apparently had been to many of the same events as I but I never saw him....maybe he blended into the night! And then we sat down at that table in O'Jez and really..............we got to know more about him then we woulda liked didn't we? lol.....he and Becks successfully traumatized me and convinced me of two things: 1) thank GOD i didn't go to boarding house and 2)my child will never go to University in naij. But i got an impression that evening. I loved the openness and his un-apologetic manner. "only the weak always feel they have to prove themselves" and Kiwi certainly wasn't weak. And then I told him he had a beautiful color (which was just me lying to make him feel berra cuz really, how many people woulda told him that before? lol) and he blushed. Cut to a few Hennessys lerra and i'm thinking "Kiwi is smart o!"

Whew! and me? i'm just chill. :o)!

How the first 3 seconds changed my life...

I saw this somewhere online (ok fine, I googled it, but lets move on, please)It takes just a quick glance, maybe three seconds, for someone to evaluate you when you meet for the first time. In this short time, the other person forms an opinion about you based on your appearance, your body language, your demeanor, your mannerisms, and how you are dressed.
These first impression can be nearly impossible to reverse or undo, making those first encounters extremely important, for they set the tone for the all the relationships that follows.
Amazing, right? If I'd let first impressions "set the tone", the unrulies as we know them would not exist today.

  • "The Small One": Wacky, Warm, Big-hearted, Kinda Odd, but definitely cool, and that was just the FIRST second. Not a lot has changed, but I keep adding to the laundry list of attributes that make this one a force to reckon with. I can think of LOTS of things the saying "Big things come in little packages" DON'T gel with (let's not go there just yet), but this one proves me wrong. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. Wasn't on the first bus ride, but after ditching the ones who made the trip dry as dust for the first day, it was certainly fate, destiny, kismet, or whatever u want to call it. A long trip to see an ugly monument, a daring ride, and many other tales later, we're here. And it's utterly unruly.
  • "The Cute One": The first 3 seconds were in '05, I saw him chilling with a drink, and talking very little. Way cute, I thought, and I ticked the "sorta smart" box in my brain after I heard him speak. Not bad...but nothing to write home about. Eye candy, lets leave it at that. Fast forward a few years and he looked good in orange, then he looked good in green. Then he went on sale, but I couldn't afford him. I pegged him as being shady and in cahoots with a certain henchman. Then came the bus ride to a certain resort where, during several roundtable discussions, I saw that the first 3 seconds weren't quite right. Eye Candy, sure, but smart, too, real, and with a heart of gold. An unlikely pick, but so worth it.
  • "The Unlikely One": The first 3 seconds after meeting THIS one?? Well, I thought, reserved, calm, intellectual. Only one of those still stands today. A mouth that with one side, spouts wisdom, cool information, and hilarious stories, and with the other side spills out a stream of curse words, "area" phrases and opinions that'd make ur ears curl. It's a combination that I'm yet to find and accept in many others. At first glance, u may not think much, but that which brims under the surface is so much more. You let that first 3 seconds be your opinion?? Your loss.
  • "The Smiley One": Well, we go waaay back, but were never too close. I like to think the unrulies have given us a wonderful, stronger bond. The first 3 seconds saw me develop the usual misconception: Quiet, mellow, goody goody. Boy, was I wrong about that!!! A laugh from the belly that u can't help joining in with, a mischievous spirit, and a complete sweetheart that u just can't help but love. The bus ride was chill, but the events that unfolded afterwards? Well, a lil' bit of Irish Cream should never be underestimated.
  • "The Raucuous One": the first 3 seconds: Well, I wasn't too sure there was much sanity with THIS one. That opinion hasn't changed, but in addition, there's a sweet side and a lot of untapped talent that I can't WAIT to see grow. A late addition to the unrulies, but a welcome one indeed.
  • "The Preppy One": We go back as "patnas in crime" too, and the first 3 seconds of our meeting, I thought: a bit uppity, but chill. Never thought we'd be where we were today. A chance meeting and mainland handicapped-ness set things in motion, and the trip didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but it was fun to see how other people reacted to what "WE" think is normal. Ah, well, they all can't be like us!!
  • "The Special One": I don't know that I have the rght words to describe this one. In the first 3 seconds I saw an aggressive, arrogant and incredibly flirtatious human being in a very surprising package. That still stands, but again, there is so much more underneath that "pose". A person that would do anything for a friend, and goes to the limit for them, that never hesitates to make u feel loved without asking for anything in return is what I've discovered. Enthusiam, Energy, Largesse and Generosity of Spirit are just a few of my favorite things about this particular unruly...the most unruly of us all!

  • "The Snobby One": Often seen as high-falutin', snobbish and sarcastic, I go back with this one a loooooong way back as well. The opinion may be right, depending on what mood U meet this unruly one in. Woe betide u if you get on the wrong side, but u'll only need that warning once.

So maybe we shouldn't let First Impressions govern the way we make friends. I dug deeper, and I'm the better for it.

IT ALL CAME TOGETHER

First there was none.
Or there might have been some in pockets.

He was the boy next-door who shot to fame for being him
He was the easily misunderstood who walked tall.

She was the Queen of the Prom
She was the one we could not Fathom

She was the voice you heard but did not see
He was the one who made it all fit

He was the easily misjudged
I was... me?

I was in the university with FIT but we became closer when he designed look after look for me. I met THE VOICE once or twice, always unsure. Sometimes i loved her, then i thought she didn't like me and so i hated her. Then i realised i liked her and then...
And all this without her knowing!

The world loved THE BOY NEXT DOOR
But i loved the one who loved him.
I got to interview him, and was really happy he wasnt a dickhead
im sorry, but some overnight celebs can totally be.
So we became acquaintances, and it was easy to be around him!

Him i had never met, nor heard of.
And i was glad for at some point, a decision rested with me.
But then i met him, and thought, "Rather Pompous fellow, isnt he?"
Alas, thats why he is MISUNDERSTOOD.
The next time i met him, thought he was a dickhead for not getting my number
And then the next time, realised why he was frequently misunderstood.

INDISCERNIBLE was for me, totally that!
I just could not figure her out.
Always with PROM QUEEN, i wondered what kind of person she was.
What made her laugh?
Could i make her laugh?
Is she an effico?
That i concluded must be the case
(WRONGER i could not have been!)

PROM QUEEN is everything contradictory.
And maybe she i love the most
Beauty and Brains, Calm but Feisty, Together but Vulnerable.

And as for MISCONSTRUED
A blacker fellow i had never seen!
And that was all i cd focus on for a while.
And then he was pretentious wasn't he?
Where does he come off being so opinionated?
Or expressing his opinionatedness so opinononatedly?!
Till he got me a job and we travelled
ANd i was shocked!
He drinks?
Has a sense of humour?
Is so calm?
And maybe deserves to BE opinionated
DANG!!!

There they were, and there i was
And we would have been, if fate was not
For somehow, our paths were destined to cross...
and keep crossing

From auctions to awards, interviews to drinks
We kept bumping into one another
Till we went for the trip as eight
and came back as a collective

I on an early bus, they on the other one
And he the last of all

It might have been the games we played
The mutual attractions
The trying hard to make the blind heart see
The wondering what lines to keep
But something happened by the first hennessy!

BAck to Lagos, and yet again it might have died
But a reaction, equal and opposite to an action, caused a further bond
Over drinks we laughed and joked
Thinking how well it fit
For each of us, in our little ways, were outsiders for the world to see
But here, the outside ruled!

We fight sometimes, then kiss and make up
Cliques within the clique remain
Some try to define us
We dont even try

TRULY UNRULY
LEt the journey begin!


Now,

Friday, May 9, 2008

DIARY OF A LAGOS HOUSE GIRL 2

We got to Lagos by 8pm yesterday and I was truly amazed by the street lights on the 3rd mainland bridge.
Welcome to Lagos, said Mr Edem as we sped on the long bridge to Victoria Island where he stays with his family.
Mr Edem (That is my boss) is 42 years old, married and I must confess that he is a nice man to the core. I remember the first time we met and that was August 2007.
It was a Friday evening and it was my turn to prepare supper for the family...
….It was also the day that I launched my new outfit with the intention of causing Casala at the motor park. I dressed to-die like sister Bola would always say when going out at night.
I put on my Gawu jeans, brand new white BYC v neck t-shirt and my multi coloured Agbola shoes. I looked in the mirror and I swear with what I saw, J-Lo will hang herself if she had seen me at that moment. I decided to go bra-less cos of my intention of causing Casala at the car park even though I noticed that my pair of 36 were looking rather big in the t-shirt.
I stepped out but decided to work to the major road before catching a bike, that way everybody on the street would have the privilege of seeing the new Miss Akwa Ibom.
Kai, these small small boys can sabi to look person like say na TV.
Pascal, our neighbour called me Stella in confusion and asked if I needed transport fare to where I was going and trust me to open hand sharp sharp.
He gave me N80 and asked me to check at mama Onome place on my way back. The Pale go wait tire.dem no tell am say good soup say na money kill am,abi na N80 na him e wan carry chop kpomo?
As I jam the junction na em rain begin fall and before you go shout Affy my cloth don wet. I couldn’t stop and I didn’t want people on street to see me walking back wet. I walked on and finally an Okada (Motorbike) stopped and I climbed sharp sharp
On getting to the shop, I was already drenched in rain water and my boobs were not helping matters at all.The nipples were so erect that it seems they neglected the law of friction.
On Getting to the shop, there he was standing at the entrance shielding his tall well built body from the rain and a bottle of stout in his hands……………

Then and Now...

"Oh well, he thinks he's really smart now. So what if he's a young teacher ? Must we all then follow his line of reasoning as a result? But most importantly can't he get his voice and emotions down? Someone needs to cut him down to size pretty soon!" After that day, I of course did not think Uncle was 'friend' material. He just did not cut it for me.
Then we boarded 'that bus' and he cracked some of the deepest jokes while he tried to snoop around African Queen's bod! Then the Bacardi, then the smiles, then the very smart but air-less conversations and now, I'm wondering; "Where the hell did I get that first impression from?"

As for Sura, I got the impression that he was very prim and proper as I had only seen him in suits before. Even when I didn't, he spoke clean English and came across as a sucker for all things proper! I wasn't particularly drawn but neither was I withdrawn.
Then he arrived a day later and made us feel like we had spent the first day being very ruly (sic)! He ranted and raved and cussed without measure. But that was a nice twist to have in the mix. God thing he came after all.

Gorris was quite nice but I wasn't very excited. I was cutting my hair with my friend and she came to do an interview of him. She made me wait for them and just when I was ready for my own interview, she smiled and waved goodbye! I swore I'd let her regret not interviewing me that day. But I forgot all about it. We bumped into each other a couple more times and actually became friendly especially when I was going to be put up for sale.
Then she arrived some hours later than we had and ditched them. She danced, talked, ate, talked, smiled, talked, danced, talked and just would not stop. Now I love her too much and want to interview her instead!

Omo liked to fly under the rader. She would sneak into an event and sneak out believing she wasn't noticed. "Hi!" was the most I ever heard her say with a smile that she probably wiped off her face the moment I turned around. She just came across as amazingly beyond reach. Giving you the necessary smile but telling you where your limits were. I just could not unravel her and wouldn't try to anyway.
Then we got on the bus and she cussed everything in sight for being out with her at that time. Then we drank and danced and ate and I spilled my drink on her. She gave me the look, held herself back and simply walked away with a smile. At that point, I knew we were family!

Princess was just always the nice one. The smile was a constant, the courtesies were never absent and she just always said the right things at the right time otherwise, she never said anything. Apart from a few handshakes and one liners here and there we never really talked until the day she got introduced to 'Dear Dolly' and she almost laughed her heart out.
Then we got on the bus and I realised she was even nicer than I'd thought, had an even wider smile and didn't wait a second to hit you across the head for teasing her. She almost never drank but still managed to keep up with the insanity. She's the sweetest!

Chaiboo's neck was kinda lean at the time. He seemed excited at his job and what he had been assigned to do there that day. He tried to start off a conversation which I played along with but was not realy interested in. He came across as realy nice and gentle and humble and the sort of guy your mum would like you to be friends with.
Fast forward to 2 years later, to the bus and everything in between and now I know that he's definitely not gentle, surely not nice and humility is not a word he's ever heard. But inspite of all those, he's still the sort of guy your mum would like you to be friends with! Loyal to the core...

"Ah, I know that face! She's actually better looking in person than on TV. She's hot o but I better keep a straight face for now since she's already trying to put up a front." That voice in my head could not have said otherwise after I had seen the very gorgeous Nwadiuto with her chin up, her legs put together and leaning to the side, and a smile, the farthest thing on her face. Then she started becoming friendlier with time but still appeared uptight. "Wetin sef?"
Then we got on the bus and she got tickled and tickled everyone and laughed and then ranted and firted and resisted. "All these moods in one?" I wondered and watched. Then we drank and ate and joked... Well today, the rest is history..

Did Would Pushed

I don't know what i thought
Maybe i felt like if i did, then it would
If i kissed
It would work out
So i kissed
But it wdnt
Try as hard as i pushed

Thursday, May 8, 2008

DIARY OF A LAGOS HOUSE GIRL

Stories start in different ways but I guess for you to have a proper understanding of who I am and what I do for a living, I need to start from the very beginning.
I am the sixth child in a family of six and I grew up with my mother and siblings. Did I mention to you that all the six children are from different men? If not, then take note. My mother (Etun) runs a beer parlour at a lorry park in my village in Akwa Ibom and till date, the most bubbling in the entire lorry park.
My mother is the very quiet type but you get to hear her voice when different women come to the shop to fight over husband snatching issues. I hate such days, so do my siblings
Talking about my siblings, let me introduce them all
1st child: Edet AKA Jango
Age; 30
Occupation: Armed Robbery
Present location: In Jail
Edet is the first son. Gist has it that his father is the motor park chairman, Mr Bassey.
2nd Child: Lilian and Bola-Lilian is half-caste and Bola is black (Don’t ask me how cos I grew up to meet them that way) Gist has it that mother gave birth to them 9 months after some white men visited Obudu cattle ranch and spent a night in Utom, Akwa Ibom because they had to work on their bus in the park.
Age: 28 respectively
Occupation: They are both professional escorts
Present location: Abuja (That was what they told us at home)
4th Child: Ahmed
Age: 27
Occupation: CEO Ahmed Shoe repairs
Present location: Utom, Akwa Ibom
5th Child: Nwadiuto
Age: 26
Occupation: Hair stylist
Present location: Aba, Abia State
5th Child: Affy my humble self
Age: 25
Occupation: House girl
Present location…on my way to Lagos

On a Bus Trip Out of Here...

One evening a couple of months ago, 6 young men and ladies got on a bus on a journey out of town. There where a couple of other people on the bus but through the ride that should have lasted 3hrs but lasted over 6hrs, a bond was developed, a friendship was formed...a lifelong commitment to oneness, commitment and comeradairie was established.

By the next day they were joined buy two others of the same clime and constitution and, as yet on known to them, they would in time become "unruly high school' children, misbehaving at the slightest oppurtunity. That at least was the conclusion of their detractors.

Time went by, days ran and weeks advanced; the more time elapsed the closer they became. Through smiles and sad times, they held hands; through pain and gain, they shared; in the hard times their support for one another saw them through the most trying of times...


It will shock the world, amaze watchers,frighten the selfish what love can do...

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Awwww......

The Unrulies are my sisters and brothers, not by blood but by love, as they say true family is created by love. We laugh together, share together, encourage each other, lift each other, and help each other.

I’m inspired by every Unruly. Out there in the world. Hustling. Trying to make a dollar outta some cents and doing so unapologetically. We want to change the world. We want to make our world. Every Unruly aspires to be the best. Every Unruly wants to inspire.

They say people come into your lives for different reasons. To teach different lessons. They may not necessarily stay but their mark will be made. It is one of the things I know for sure, it’s one of the things I embrace. The Unrulies may create this bond of friendship, or we may drift apart, or simply grow into whatever our destinies entail. Even that I embrace. People come into our lives for different reasons, I’m glad they came into mine.
Being unruly is not a phase. It's not "just a feeling". It's a State of Mind!
Get with it.