BIG BROTHER AGAIN!?!

It might be the least watched reality show in America but in the UK and Africa, people literally have sleepless nights when it's Big Brother season. It's upon us again and not even the Nigerian Senate could stop us from watching this year! I will be doing a weekly review of the BBA 3 housemates just for the f**k of it; but before then, I have to do a quick recap of Nigeria's own version simply for those of you who might be wondering why I would want to be a BB blogger without any experience! O yeah, I know it's a cheap way to get in the news again but whatever... Read on jare!

I was on the Nigerian version of Big Brother over 2 years ago with 13 other housemates so i'm more or less expired even if a veteran of some sorts. I lived with some of the weirdest and unlikely people ever and it was all because I was broke and bored. 2 years on and the memories are still fresh. Someone once said that all I did in the house was drink alcohol and scratch my balls (literally). Others remember me for being a slow guy when a hot girl wanted to be with me at all cost. Yet some others remember me for that kiss in the kitchen with another female. But most importantly I keep asking myself, WTF did i go into that house for??? And the other housemates...

ICHEMETA was there for all of 2 weeks and left before we could see more of those hips. She danced, dreamt up some of the most childish dreams, lived in unbelievable fairy tale land and got evicted quickly. She had the strangest appetite as I can't remember seeing her eat a single meal. All she did was juice her system up!

She's done with school now and should be off to Law School in a couple of months.

YINKA was HUGE and was the first to defy Big Brother by refusing to exercise in the morning. Whether that was him being lazy or just standing up for himself is talk for another day. He snored, argued, read books, rapped, ate and left with so much still left in him for us to see. He was extremely intelligent but some of us never got to see that side.

He's building a music career now and hopes to finish his novel soon.

CHINEDU broke grounds in many ways. He had the first chic, had the first kiss, had the first argument and even though he denies it, every viewer thinks he also had sex first. He wasn't the viewers' choice but many male housemates wanted him around for the controversy. And who could forget that gummy smile/laughter!

He's becoming a Nollywood regular, has a rap single out and does a lot of charity work.

JOAN on the other hand, was the ice queen and we all loved to hate her. She wasn't friendly but you still wanted to be her friend. I might have tried to get with her if Chinedu wasn't quickly there by Day 1 (or Day 0 more like!). She was very hardworking but definitely the least friendly. She was Big Brother's nightmare in the diary room tho with her very curt replies.

Today, she's done more movies since than she can even remember and might be opening a jewellry/clothing/accessories store soon. Watch out!

MAUREEN smiled from the heart but thinking of her now only brings to mind that annoying shriek she called a laugh. Her voice was shrill, she loved attention but also loved to be in charge. She ended up having the most romantic relationship on the show. Remember that kiss in the yard? Damn! That was a classic! Her eviction was definitely shocking to both viewers and housemates.

She had a degree before the show but still went on to TV school afterwards. She's now a TV Presenter and actor.

GIDEON was the hottie. Perfect looks, perfect body, perfect entry into the house and perfect grass to grace story. He loved himself to death and never hid that fact. Infact, the only thing he loved more than himself was the mirror! And boy, did he have a large appetite! And yeah, that kiss with Maureen? MAAAAAAD!

He's done a bit of modelling since the show and appeared in a movie but right from the first of September, he'll be back in our faces as a hot spoilt brat in MNET's new soap opera, Tinsel. Big things man!!!

HELEN loved to gossip and never hid that fact. She talked about everyone to everyone and probably made the show interesting as a result. She supposedly back stabbed someone she was supposed to be helping and did not see what the big deal was about that. But the housemates loved her for her classic meals and life saving mid night baking. Plus that body; gosh!!!

She launched Helen's Kitchen after the show and had a stint on TV and movies but is now gaining a reputation as a top caterer in Lagos.

JOSEPH was the oldest, the most quiet, the one who slept the most and definitely the best (read as only) male cook in the house (or best cook male or female according to Big Brother during the food task). He was involved only when he needed to and seemed the most likely to leave the house on the first week Little did the housemates know that he was the most loved outside the house since a certain fan club JFC was running the show. He later lost out of the show but not from the love of his fans.

He went back to his job as a cabin crew member and had a stint with modelling.

FRANK was loud, brash, in your face, very opinionated and there simply for the money. He danced, led the aerobics almost every morning, farted without control and hated Katung's guts. He was one of the favourites and was definitely the sniper of the show as he nominated every single housemate who left before him with the famous "Somebody's gotta go" line. His work rate and passion was unmatched though.

He went on to dance school after the show, got married, continued dancing and was a judge on a dance reality show recently.

SANDRA was just different. She did better than most of us guys at boot camp, wanted to be a teacher and thought that her best asset was her ass (now can anyone forget that ass?). She was one of 2 surprise entrants to the house in the 3rd week and quickly joined the gossip crew. The viewers loved her very revealing diary sessions the most though. No one gave her a chance past her first week in the house but she did stay till the end. Very under estimated!

She did a bit of acting after the show and is now an interior decorator!

IFY was probably the most talked about housemate. She had an accent or accents like some viewers thought, she quarrelled with any and everyone without holding back and spent most of her mornings painting her face. She was supposed to be the lady in the house but I remember her most for her attempt at a desert during the food week. Haven't laughed at the collapsed flambee like I have at anything else since then. People wanted her out by day 2 but hey, she stayed till the end!

She now runs a salon and is a TV Presenter.

FRANSISCA loved to dance, loved attention and had a wild crush (or pretended to have one simply as a strategy like she said after the show) that made her the crowd's favourite. She lived that crush for all of the 91 days that she was in the house for and it ALMOST worked out for her. She probably had the most nominations and as a result made a mini star out of her Aunty Pat. Men wanted to be with her while women wished they could dance like her. She could have won but didn't.

She is now working on a talk show and yeah, she is so over Ebuka!!!

KATUNG came into the house to win and did! He had a plan to be the focal point in the house which he succesfuly did, to court controversy, which he did by having a 'thing' with Ify and to divorce emotion from strategy in his nomination sessions. He was an instant favourite the moment he stepped into the house and stayed that way by beating the almighty JFC to their game. He also supposedly had sex but hey who are we to say so when the pair say they didn't?

He became Abuja's favourite radio DJ after the show, became a large scale farmer, became a partner in a music production company, started an NGO, became a brand icon and many more things I can't remember! A true winner.

There was a Big Brother Africa show last after the Nigerian show and it almost turned out to be Big Pornstar Africa! But hey they are in the past like our show now and since I wasn't on that oe, I won't be talking about it now.

That's it for now. My BBA 3 impressions start after this...