BBA 3 WEEK 1...

I wasn't very excited about the start of another Big Brother Africa show. Maybe 'cos it came too soon seeing that a lot of us hadn't still recovered from the shock and drama that was BBA 2 last year but then, I wasn't ready to miss it for anything especially since there was going to be a Nigerian and I might as well keep myself busy watching people become the next set of guinea pigs. Besides, there's a little devil in all of us that just likes to be in everyone else's business.

So I set out to see the opening ceremony at a DSTV organised launch party. Everyone was expectant and only hoped that Nigeria would get a fitting rep this time. Then the show started...

I loved Kabelo's hosting last year but if the opening show on sunday was anything to judge him by, then we might be in for a sad and boring 3 months. He seemed flat and tried too hard to connect with the viewers. The ceremony itself did not help matters. It was flat, dull, not colourful at all and everything looked unprepared. Those dancers on the stage, were to the stage what John McCain would be to a race with Usain Bolt! They sucked and I did not see the point of them ushering the housemates into the house. Everything was just wrong but they would be forgiven if their next live show makes better sense. But until then, i'm sorry but they have failed badly!

It was time to welcome the housemates and these are my thoughts as at day one...

BOTSWANA'S TAWANA came in first and her bald head was the first thing I noticed. Most people didn't like that but I did and still do. She is very opinionated and had the first argument in the house already when she refused to have Christianity and the bible shoved down her throat by the Nigerian. She's a drinker, a smoker and says she hates girls and her neighbours. Definitely controversial and that works for me. But would it work for other housemates and the viewers? (think BBN's Joan)

I would let her be in the house for at least 2 months to stir up a lot of sh*t but I doubt that she'll last that long.

GHANA'S MIMI followed and the first things I saw were her dark skin and tummy which she tried to hide behind her belt. She looked like she came in to have fun and by their first couple of hours in the house, she wanted to be the life of the party so badly. She used the 'F' word every 3 seconds and drank the alcohol in the fridge out. She slured and cussed and just wasn't coherrent. She ended up doing herself some good healthwise but definitely some bad, ratings-wise by throwing up. On the first night? That's mental!

Her diary session on Day 1 was surely the most interesting though. She's looking like the diary session tell all! (think BBN's Sandra)

I would love to see her in the house for a couple of weeks just to see how many more times she'll throw up and reveal all at the diary room but I know the viewers want her out already!

KENYA'S SHEILA is hoooooooot!!! I started rooting for her even before I cared that there would be a Nigerian. She also looks very flirty and would be causing some problems romance wise with the other housemates. She comes across as smart but a bit talkative tho, drinks and smokes quite a bit but hey who cares? She's hot. She will get in people's faces a lot though. (think BBA 2's Lerato)

I'd like to see her till the end mostly for the eye candy she offers and nothing else. I think viewers will be divided on her but the housemates might grow to dislike her!

MALAWI'S HAZEL came in next and has been so undercover ever since. So much so that I don't have an impression of her yet. She's pretty tho and her hair is loooooong and gorgeous. I'm hoping she'll start talking soon though. (think BBA 2's Bertha meets Maureen)

If nothing else, i'd like to see her a bit longer in the house just so that I can have an impression because something tells me she really is a freak but I doubt that viewers wil be that patient as she's already being compared to BBA 2's Maureen (or Boreen like she was called).

NAMIBIA'S LUCILLE followed and isn't bad looking at all. She smiled a lot and has been doing more that than talking ever since. She's young and looks innocent but we know that no one who decides to go on BBA after seeing last year's edition, can't be innocent. She looks like one of those under the rader people who might do a lot of cooking and cleaning till the last day. (think BBA 1's Cherise, BBN's Helen and BBA 2's Ofunneka).

Not sure I really care that much about how long she stays as day 1 or 91 is just fine by me but I think she'll be there for a while tho cos the housemates and viewers may not even remember that she's there!

TANZANIA'S LATOYA followed and the first thing I saw was her make up and hair! She was the type who wanted to be noticed and would definitely be hooking up with a guy in the house. She got into the house and the first question she asked after saying hi, was whether anyone would be having sex in the house? I don't know if anyone would but I sure know she'll be willing to, seeing that she's already getting cosy with a certain Angolan (Angola (Tatiana)-Tanzania (Richard) again?!). I think her make up bag might be heavier than her entire luggage tho (think BBN's Ify and BBA 2's Tatiana).

ANGOLA'S RICCO came in next and his entire attitude screamed "I'm a teenager and I need attention." He's young, very hip, has piercings and sags his jeans way below his butt! He talks a whole lot, loves himself even more and could not wait to take a 'naked shower' immediately he got in; at least so he said. He spent the night on the same bed with Latoya already and might be the first to get laid amongst the guys. He is very likeable tho but might end up over doing things. (think BBA 2's Richard)

I like him but he looks like the sort I might get tired of seeing soon so 3 weeks to a month is just fine but the housemates and viewers might leave him for longer mostly for his looks and possible romp with the chics!

NIGERIA'S UTI followed and I was in total shock! I had met Uti at my eviction party in 2006 and he told me then, about how he had laid a number of chics while I was in the house, simply 'cos they had thot that we were brothers and he played along. We kept in touch ever since and I even chatted with the mo-fo last week. He was on another reality show last year in Nigeria (The Next Movie Star) and placed second so it's even more shocking that he got into the house. The Uti I know is a player, loves himself, loves the camera, loves to be the centre of attention and is very opinionated (as we saw in his bible argument with Botsawna's Tawana). Will he be different from what I already know? He already looks like one of the favourites with the ladies and guys alike both in and outside the house. I just hope he slows down on his pidgin English soon. But I am soooooo rooting for him and he has to win the money o! (think BBA 1's Gaetano but more as the winner this time)

SOUTH AFRICA'S THAMI was next and it was a downward slide from the loads of eye candy we had been offered. He seems like a nice guy tho who does not hold back on having fun. He was drunk beyond anyone else on the first night and shared a quick kiss with Botswana's Tawana. He talked and slured and talked and slured until he slept off on someone else's bed and the boys had to throw him out. He seems very smart tho but also very sensitive. (think BBA 2's Justice)

I like this guy and I'd love to see him for a while in the house. He seems the most real of the guys so far and that works for me. The viewers especially SAans don't love him that much tho so we'd have to wait and see!

UGANDA'S MORRIS was next and he tried to look calm while going in even though it was obvious that he was overwhelmed by the occassion. He hasn't talked much so far and has been trying to appear as the listening calm guy. But his first diary session gave that away as he was very opinionated and is already hating on some of the girls. Botswana's Tawana seems to be loving him already but he might not play ball; at least not for the first couple of days. I feel like we'll be seeing a new side to him as soon as this week or next. (think BBA 2's Code)

He could leave tomorrow and that would be fine by me. I think viewers love him tho so whatever!

ZAMBIA'S TAKONDWA or TK or Taekwando like Nigeria's Uti prefers to call him is the chubby teddy bear! I liked him immediately I saw him cos he was different. He wasn't a pretty boy and yet wasn't bad to look at. He raps but then hasn't had a lot to say in the house. He seems to be on the low, watching everyone in the house for now. He seems smart tho and could be one of those late favourites (think BBN's Joseph)

I like him and wouldn't mind him being there till the end. But if he doesn't talk anytime soon, then it should be over. Not sure the viewers will agree though seeing that everyone's excited by all the other eye candies!

ZIMBABWE'S MUNYA was last in and for many ladies, they had saved the best for last. He is good looking and so far, he's been the perfect guy. He talks only when he should and is not in anyone's space. Totally cool and seems to be the hot favourite already on Day 1. But then seeing that Day 1 counts for nothing with 91 days in mind, it might be too early to get excited. (think BBN's Gideon)

He's everyone's darling so far both viewers and housemates (except SA's Thami who already had issues with him on the first night over some bed space) but I'm not sure I want him in there for that long 'cos I always root for the underdog!

That's it and i'll be watching to see who suddenly turns into something else and pulls a Bertha on us. See you next week...

BIG BROTHER AGAIN!?!

It might be the least watched reality show in America but in the UK and Africa, people literally have sleepless nights when it's Big Brother season. It's upon us again and not even the Nigerian Senate could stop us from watching this year! I will be doing a weekly review of the BBA 3 housemates just for the f**k of it; but before then, I have to do a quick recap of Nigeria's own version simply for those of you who might be wondering why I would want to be a BB blogger without any experience! O yeah, I know it's a cheap way to get in the news again but whatever... Read on jare!

I was on the Nigerian version of Big Brother over 2 years ago with 13 other housemates so i'm more or less expired even if a veteran of some sorts. I lived with some of the weirdest and unlikely people ever and it was all because I was broke and bored. 2 years on and the memories are still fresh. Someone once said that all I did in the house was drink alcohol and scratch my balls (literally). Others remember me for being a slow guy when a hot girl wanted to be with me at all cost. Yet some others remember me for that kiss in the kitchen with another female. But most importantly I keep asking myself, WTF did i go into that house for??? And the other housemates...

ICHEMETA was there for all of 2 weeks and left before we could see more of those hips. She danced, dreamt up some of the most childish dreams, lived in unbelievable fairy tale land and got evicted quickly. She had the strangest appetite as I can't remember seeing her eat a single meal. All she did was juice her system up!

She's done with school now and should be off to Law School in a couple of months.

YINKA was HUGE and was the first to defy Big Brother by refusing to exercise in the morning. Whether that was him being lazy or just standing up for himself is talk for another day. He snored, argued, read books, rapped, ate and left with so much still left in him for us to see. He was extremely intelligent but some of us never got to see that side.

He's building a music career now and hopes to finish his novel soon.

CHINEDU broke grounds in many ways. He had the first chic, had the first kiss, had the first argument and even though he denies it, every viewer thinks he also had sex first. He wasn't the viewers' choice but many male housemates wanted him around for the controversy. And who could forget that gummy smile/laughter!

He's becoming a Nollywood regular, has a rap single out and does a lot of charity work.

JOAN on the other hand, was the ice queen and we all loved to hate her. She wasn't friendly but you still wanted to be her friend. I might have tried to get with her if Chinedu wasn't quickly there by Day 1 (or Day 0 more like!). She was very hardworking but definitely the least friendly. She was Big Brother's nightmare in the diary room tho with her very curt replies.

Today, she's done more movies since than she can even remember and might be opening a jewellry/clothing/accessories store soon. Watch out!

MAUREEN smiled from the heart but thinking of her now only brings to mind that annoying shriek she called a laugh. Her voice was shrill, she loved attention but also loved to be in charge. She ended up having the most romantic relationship on the show. Remember that kiss in the yard? Damn! That was a classic! Her eviction was definitely shocking to both viewers and housemates.

She had a degree before the show but still went on to TV school afterwards. She's now a TV Presenter and actor.

GIDEON was the hottie. Perfect looks, perfect body, perfect entry into the house and perfect grass to grace story. He loved himself to death and never hid that fact. Infact, the only thing he loved more than himself was the mirror! And boy, did he have a large appetite! And yeah, that kiss with Maureen? MAAAAAAD!

He's done a bit of modelling since the show and appeared in a movie but right from the first of September, he'll be back in our faces as a hot spoilt brat in MNET's new soap opera, Tinsel. Big things man!!!

HELEN loved to gossip and never hid that fact. She talked about everyone to everyone and probably made the show interesting as a result. She supposedly back stabbed someone she was supposed to be helping and did not see what the big deal was about that. But the housemates loved her for her classic meals and life saving mid night baking. Plus that body; gosh!!!

She launched Helen's Kitchen after the show and had a stint on TV and movies but is now gaining a reputation as a top caterer in Lagos.

JOSEPH was the oldest, the most quiet, the one who slept the most and definitely the best (read as only) male cook in the house (or best cook male or female according to Big Brother during the food task). He was involved only when he needed to and seemed the most likely to leave the house on the first week Little did the housemates know that he was the most loved outside the house since a certain fan club JFC was running the show. He later lost out of the show but not from the love of his fans.

He went back to his job as a cabin crew member and had a stint with modelling.

FRANK was loud, brash, in your face, very opinionated and there simply for the money. He danced, led the aerobics almost every morning, farted without control and hated Katung's guts. He was one of the favourites and was definitely the sniper of the show as he nominated every single housemate who left before him with the famous "Somebody's gotta go" line. His work rate and passion was unmatched though.

He went on to dance school after the show, got married, continued dancing and was a judge on a dance reality show recently.

SANDRA was just different. She did better than most of us guys at boot camp, wanted to be a teacher and thought that her best asset was her ass (now can anyone forget that ass?). She was one of 2 surprise entrants to the house in the 3rd week and quickly joined the gossip crew. The viewers loved her very revealing diary sessions the most though. No one gave her a chance past her first week in the house but she did stay till the end. Very under estimated!

She did a bit of acting after the show and is now an interior decorator!

IFY was probably the most talked about housemate. She had an accent or accents like some viewers thought, she quarrelled with any and everyone without holding back and spent most of her mornings painting her face. She was supposed to be the lady in the house but I remember her most for her attempt at a desert during the food week. Haven't laughed at the collapsed flambee like I have at anything else since then. People wanted her out by day 2 but hey, she stayed till the end!

She now runs a salon and is a TV Presenter.

FRANSISCA loved to dance, loved attention and had a wild crush (or pretended to have one simply as a strategy like she said after the show) that made her the crowd's favourite. She lived that crush for all of the 91 days that she was in the house for and it ALMOST worked out for her. She probably had the most nominations and as a result made a mini star out of her Aunty Pat. Men wanted to be with her while women wished they could dance like her. She could have won but didn't.

She is now working on a talk show and yeah, she is so over Ebuka!!!

KATUNG came into the house to win and did! He had a plan to be the focal point in the house which he succesfuly did, to court controversy, which he did by having a 'thing' with Ify and to divorce emotion from strategy in his nomination sessions. He was an instant favourite the moment he stepped into the house and stayed that way by beating the almighty JFC to their game. He also supposedly had sex but hey who are we to say so when the pair say they didn't?

He became Abuja's favourite radio DJ after the show, became a large scale farmer, became a partner in a music production company, started an NGO, became a brand icon and many more things I can't remember! A true winner.

There was a Big Brother Africa show last after the Nigerian show and it almost turned out to be Big Pornstar Africa! But hey they are in the past like our show now and since I wasn't on that oe, I won't be talking about it now.

That's it for now. My BBA 3 impressions start after this...

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